do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
