How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
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