I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
birth control should be required to get into college
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
