i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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