I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
