theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
