I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
They should really pass out barf bags in church
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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