my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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