i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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