He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
