WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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