Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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