I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
