Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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