when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
