there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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