I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
