There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize