If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
pop tarts are not kleenex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
