wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My dick has a subreddit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
