I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
