i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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