so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize