He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
