i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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