i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your penis caused this!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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