just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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