I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
