i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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