you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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