i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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