I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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