We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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