He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
