I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
