I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
