ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
