I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
