and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
