You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
