Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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