You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
