I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.