This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.