I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath