So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.