i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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