When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
