Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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