My liver just broke up with me...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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