brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize