i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
