Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize