Only a mothe r could love this liver
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
