oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
