i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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