i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
