Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
