Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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