as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
